


B_S

by moonmirroir



Category: Black Mirror, Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Angst, Backstory, Character Study, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Episode: s05e00 Bandersnatch, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mindfuck, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Time Loop, Time Shenanigans, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Timeline What Timeline, addition to canon, casual bandersnatching, it's bandersnatch we all know this, mild suicidal ideation implied, slowish at least, technically, u know - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2019-10-05 23:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17334545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonmirroir/pseuds/moonmirroir
Summary: Colin Ritman has been stuck in timeloops for years, perfecting his hit game Metl Hed. When he finally moves forward into a new loop, he meets Stefan Butler, and realizes that being stuck doesn't mean he has to be alone.





	1. Press Start

**Author's Note:**

> With some added worldbuilding to my apparent new obsession, I give you B_S, or doing it from Colin's viewpoint- an experiment. I'm an infrequent writer, but bear with me as I add to the Colin/Stefan tag that I have been literally refreshing every day bc I crave that content. Feel free to write in some feedback and what not as I stretch my writing muscles. (They could use a work out lol)

            Colin woke up, and immediately, he knew. It was a new day. Not in just the sense that time had passed, but that time had moved forward. That he, -The- Colin Ritman had moved forward. The way he reasoned it, after timelines of speculation, was that he was the essence of Colin Ritman, moving through and inhabiting the lives of the bodies of Colin Ritmans that existed in the parallel time streams. He had been stuck on repeat like this for about 2 and a ½ chronological years but had lived much longer through the almost endless cycles. Almost endless, because bit by bit he had clawed his way through time. Making the choices that pushed him forward, choices which, to him, often seemed almost arbitrary in their sequence and pattern. He was getting better at it though, learning when to follow the whispered impulses in the back of his brain and when to resist them, figuring out how to listen for the numbers in the air that let him move forward easier, like cheat codes in one of his games. One of the first things he learned after he started looping was the feeling of a new day. The first time it happened, he almost cried out in relief. In the first cycle, it took him an entire year to move to the next day. Part of why it had taken so long was because he didn’t know it was happening at first. It was early days of Metl Hed, at the start of the stage where he would gather inspirational materials like books, movies, and other games to propel his creative progress. He had been proceeding through life normally, making all the right choices. Then it happened. He screwed up.

            He had been working day and night on conceptual work for Metl Hed to present at a TuckerSoft board meeting. Thakur, ass as he was, had always believed in him. Every hit of the company so far was on Colin’s shoulders, but the board was stuffy, not used to computers, and wanted to be sure that their shareholders got paid. So, he poured himself into the presentation, determined to impress them. See, he might have a cool and polished exterior, but at his core was the spirit of an artist. There was still a piece of him deep inside that was a lonely teenager, desperate to be respected and liked. It was the desperation that drove him to the end. While he was busy working, his friend and frequent paramour Kitty was working up the nerve to tell him something important. She had come into his office in the middle of the day while he was engrossed with polishing the presentation. She had tapped him on the shoulder, interrupting his flow. And in the heat of the moment, Colin yielded to the dark urges that had been plaguing him for months.

**[Yell at Kitty]            [Kill Kitty]**

            A cold shiver ran through him as Kitty’s finger sent him spiraling out of his train of thought. He flicked off his headphones and spun round to face her, eyes fixed and angry. Almost on autopilot, his hand flicked back towards his desk and settled on something blunt. The stone ashtray by his computer. He rose from his chair in one smooth movement.                        

            “C-Colin!” stammered Kitty, backing up as Colin stood “I know you’re working b-but- “

            “Quiet” He whispered, body moving out of sync from his brain, and the ashtray crashed into her face.

            And then he woke up. And it was January again. And it all felt like a horrible dream.

            But of course, it wasn’t.

 

            It took him a few times of looping to understand what was going on. Every day gave the sensation of déjà vu, and it started to trip him up. More mistakes led to shorter loops, and then his paranoid brain clicked all the pieces into place. He was stuck in a time loop, and the only way out was up. After many accumulated years of working through the many paths, it turned out that the way forward was the success of Metl Hed. As he proceeded, the universe or whatever was in charge, gave him checkpoints. He managed to move his loop day forward a month, then a year, as he progressed on the game. He rewrote the code hundreds of times until he knew it forwards and backward. Inadvertently, his time on the paths was increasing his coding and game design knowledge tenfold. Metl Hed was a projected smash hit.

            And now it was a new day. He’d passed the test. The game review came out and gave him 4/5 stars. Good enough to give him a taste of a new dawn.

 

            In all the horrors of being stuck in time, forced to relive mistakes and choose between paths, there was some solace. The pure joy that came with a day that you have never experienced before. The inability to know what was yet to come.

            ‘Most people,’ Colin mused to himself, as he continued his staring contest with the ceiling that had begun when he awoke, ‘never get to relish in the true brand newness of the day. The anticipation of every action, they all take it for granted. All the sheep prancing around in their meadows, would melt under the sheer pleasure that true newness brings-they don’t understand it, they can’t control it, it’s all just a game to them, moving forward is so easy for the sheep, all they do is follow each other around and they don’t understand how they’re being controlled-“

            “Colin? What are you mumbling about?”, asked Kitty, half muffled from her place snuggled under the blankets.

            “I-?” Colin felt very confused, hadn’t he been talking to himself?

            “You started muttering about sheep…” Kitty yawned and scooted up toward the headboard. “Either count them and sleep in, or go into work,” she huffed, and wrapped an arm around him. “You deserve a day off, I reckon, with all the work you’ve done.”

            Apparently, his monologue had transitioned itself from his brain into his mouth. Wouldn’t be the first time, he felt like he’d seen practically everything in his years of looping.

            “Yea, Kit,” He replied, scooting away from her embrace. He loved Kitty, in a primarily platonic fashion he had learned throughout the course of everything, and her desire for physical contact had been a point of overwhelm that proved the mistake of many a path. Still, they had a child together, and he wanted them both in his life. It was good to have some kind of constant in it all, even if she couldn’t remember. Although considering some of his choices, it was probably better that way.

            “I need to go into work,” He scrunched his face uncomfortably. “Thakur is counting on me for the next big hit,” he continued, his voice veering on the edge of sarcastic, ‘Not to mention, it’s probably the only way forward’ he added silently, closing his eyes in pain. He would love to believe that it was all over with the success of Metl Hed. But he wasn’t some happy go lucky kid, fresh off a big break into the gaming industry, he was battle-hardened, in more ways than one. He had been to the hole and back, taken reins in the constant fight with his own brain. The loops may have pushed him even deeper into the abyss, but it didn’t put him there. There wasn’t one bone in his body that believed this was over, or even that it would ever be over. He had to keep going.

            When the success of Metl Hed seemed inevitable, Thakur used the capital from it, both social and monetary, to buy the company into a brand-new building. Colin had been there a couple of times in the last loop, but it hadn’t really had furniture in it yet. He had picked out pieces for his work area and started to set it up,

            “Only the best for my star programmer!” Thakur had beamed.

as well as advised lightly on the layout of the new office. Thakur wanted to be the ‘Motown of Games’, as he often parroted, with different sections of people working on different parts of the game. Personally, Colin didn’t really see the point. The loops gave him a pained, but extended timetable for games, and it was getting to the point that, if pressed, he could probably churn out a couple of midtier games to keep Tuckersoft riding high in his sleep. Still, Thakur was sure he had found the next big thing. Colin had no doubt the man was a revolutionary, he’d taken a chance on Colin after all. He was just bossy, and kind of mean, and still treated Colin like an intern at times despite his increasing success.

            The mounting pressure and his desire to start the day all cumulated into Colin going in early, despite Kitty’s protests. He needed to get himself in order and try and brainstorm some kind of new idea before Thakur started pestering him. He kissed Pearl goodbye, and headed out the door, relishing the warmth of the sun on his face as it shone through the gloom of the early morning. He ran a finger through his soft spiked hair and took it all in. He fingered a cigarette he had rolled out from behind his ear and lit it, letting the trail of smoke whisp around him like a cocoon. In the spirit of finally getting to have a new day, he decided to walk to the office. One of the perks of being so important to Tuckersoft was the voice he got to have in the placement of the office. In the search for the new building, one of the properties that the company was considering turned out to be only two kilometers and a half or so away from Colin’s apartment. This suited him nicely, especially today. He took a zigzagging route, randomly moving in the general direction of the large tower that Tuckersoft now occupied. His back and forth movements were serving a dual purpose. Firstly, it was giving him mathematically increased chances of adding new experiences to his day, which manifested itself pleasantly in the form of a weird cyber-themed café nestled into the side of a cluster of buildings. They weren’t open yet, but he could see from the windows that they appeared to have a set up of cheaper computers and gaming machines alongside serving coffee. He made a note that for later as his stomach grumbled in protest. Secondly, it appeased his sense of paranoia, which really had only grown larger and keener through the loops. It would figure that one would be a lot harder to track and film if they were weaving through alleys and side roads. His meandering path eventually led him to Tuckersoft. He tucked his arms into himself and slipped into the building.


	2. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin arrives at Tuckersoft, a little too early for comfort.

            The tail of his cigarette glowed gently under the contrast of the flickering lights in the elevator of the Tuckersoft building. Most of the other offices weren’t occupied in the new building yet, and the silence of that plus the early morning was somewhat eerie. As he stepped onto Tuckersoft’s floor, he tried to tamp down the rise in his anxiety. He might appreciate a new day, but the newness was currently at odds with his inability to anticipate what to expect. It was easy to look calm, cool and collected when you knew what was going to happen and could speed through the dialogue options of a situation with as little effort as possible. And he’d been happy and relaxed outside, despite his paranoia, no, in spite of it. But now? The emptiness of the floor felt like the start of a horror movie, the half-unpacked desks and the dull light streaming through the window were the set, harboring any number of untold demons. He closed his eyes and took one last drag of his cigarette and crushed it beneath his foot, still stuck in place in his position outside the elevator. He knew that if he could make it through today, that everything would start feeling as familiar as the back of his palm in no time. Anxiety was a cruel mistress.

            All of a sudden, he felt a hand on the back of his shoulder. He flinched and spun around.

**[Attack]            [Flee]**

            In an ironman contest of wills, he dismissed the urge to do anything but stay exactly where he was. He knew how to deal with the choices, but it grew much harder when he was already feeling off.

            “Alright Colin?” Asked a voice, and he looked up.

            Mr. Thakur. Of course, that asshole would be here early and have the nerve to try and startle him half to death!

            Struggling to maintain composure, he met Thakur’s eyes. “Peachy.” He strained. “Thanks for scaring the crap out of me.”

            “Me?” Mohan laughed, “And what about you, huh? Standing in the dark in front of the elevator at this hour? You look like a ghost!”

            Colin’s eyebrow’s pinched together, and he rolled his eyes. He made a mental note to not have this interaction when he looped back again. He breathed calmly and closed his eyes for a moment as Thakur looked on, bemused. Forcing himself to move, his started towards his desk and Thakur followed.

            “So, Colin, I know why I’m here this early, getting things together like the loyal and tip top owner that I am, but what on earth inspired you to try and haunt the office?” Thakur asked, trying to pull back Colin’s attention as they stopped at his workstation.

            Colin sat into his chair, still coming down from being spooked. He looked back at Thakur, “It’s for your benefit of course, boss” He answered dryly. At least conversations with Thakur were familiar. The man was the definition of predictable. “You’ll need another hit, I presume.”

            Thakur clapped his hands together boisterously, “I’ve no doubt you’ll do it again! Have you already got an idea? Cheeky bastard! I know you work quick, but this is too much. I wonder if we could do a double Christmas release if this Bandersnatch kid pans through, you know how brilliant that would look? We’d be sure to get good reviews, maybe even a five out of a five from that picky gaming kid on the telly. Though I don’t know if what you’re working on will fit with it, he didn’t explain it very well on the phone, but it does sound intriguing. He’s coming today, so we can figure it out then.” Thakur paused his rambling as a thought interrupted him. “Erm, what exactly are you working on then?”

            Colin, who had been mostly ignoring him as he channeled his anxiety into fiddling together another cigarette, let out a breath through his nose. “If you had stopped talking long enough to let me get a word in, I would have told you I don’t have anything yet.”

            “Oi, you ungrateful thing,” Mohan retorted, half playful, “That was me asking. And what do you mean you don’t have anything yet? Are you saying that the great Colin Ritman has run out of ideas?”

            “Hmmph,” Colin licked the edge of his paper, “Course not. But I’ve got plenty of time.” He smiled to himself.

            “Agh, you creative types drive me up the wall. Plenty of time- you do know that hardware and manufacturing still have firm deadlines here in the real world?” Mohan lifted his arms in mock despair.

            “So you keep reminding me” Colin side eyed Thakur through his glasses and took out his lighter. “Now what were you saying about a co-release?” And why on earth was he bringing up Bandersnatch?

            “Don’t you remember?” He leaned against the half wall of the office. “I told you all about it! Some kid, rising star, kept pestering me about his game demo. Even cornered me at the coffee shop if you’ll believe it. Reminds me of a slightly younger you in some ways to be honest,” Thakur laughed, ”You really don’t remember?”

**[Lie]            [Tell the truth]**

            Colin reasoned that he could also say nothing or do something weird and drastic, but he leaned into the choice presented to him, for the most part.

            “Vaguely, I guess. And did you say Bandersnatch?” He asked, voice half-muffled as he lit up his cigarette.

            “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Based on a book, I think? Doesn’t matter. What matters is that he can make a game. With all the people I’ve hired, I really don’t think it’ll be a problem. Long as he’s got some sort of vision. Unlike some people.” Thakur winked and nudged Colin playfully. “Course I’m messin’ with ya, but for actually, you better have something good in store for me, huh? I’m gonna take a risk on this kid, just like I did with you. And we can only weather so many flops if he doesn’t pan out. I know you catch my drift!” He shot finger guns at Colin as he started to make his way away. “I know you can do it Col! You’re the star of this hit factory! I’ll see you later for our meeting!” His voice trailed off as he vanished down the corridor.

            “More like a cog in it,” muttered Colin. Bandersnatch. He knew he had heard that name before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Hopefully the dialogue lands, I've always had trouble with that.


	3. Inspiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin tries to get an idea but all he manages is to give Thakur a headache, which suits him just fine.

            He sat at his desk, drumming his fingers on the space in front of his monitors. The roll-up piped smoke into the air, and occasionally Colin would pull from it thoughtfully. And then, like a word on the tip of one’s tongue that is finally found, he remembered where he knew Bandersnatch from. It was a book, one of the items he had picked up when doing creative research for Metl Hed, alongside several vinyls worth of music. He’d bought it, but never actually read it. Maybe this game would be a good excuse. That line of thought finally completed, Colin turned his attention toward the problem of the next game for Tuckersoft. Thakur was right, he needed to produce something, and get rolling on it soon. He put the cigarette to his lips and tucked it in, leaning back in his chair to think. The company would soon begin to produce team-built games, which was very exciting, for Mohan at least, but those took ages longer. As long as Colin found an idea, he knew everything he needed to produce an entire polished package of a game in a quick turnaround. But that’s only if he had an idea. His creative juices were sunk. Navigating the paths that allowed Metl Hed to come to completion had been absolutely draining, and he felt spent. Maybe if the Bandersnatch guy’s pitch was good enough, Colin could help with that until his energies were restored.

            ‘That’s the problem with making games under the pressure of capitalism, and it’s embodiment, Mohan Tucker’ Colin scoffed to himself, ‘They take everything you have and leave you empty in your core.’ He needed inspiration. So, like any good artist, he decided to procrastinate. His thinking had led a couple hours to pass, and people were trickling into the office, excited to be filling a new space. So, Colin wandered around the cubicles, watching employees fill their cubbies and arrange their spaces. Boxes were pulled from the floor, plants were being placed and watered. The cold and eerie space of the morning was beginning to pulse with energy and life. Colin was enjoying his office people watching. That was one thing that increased in appreciation under the pressure of the loops. People always kept going, making, being and doing. It was inspiring.

            He wouldn’t totally admit it, not that he had anyone to admit it to, but there was more than once where he had succumbed to the pressure of the loops, in less pressing circumstances than his first mistake. It was hard to keep going sometimes, knowing that the universe might take everything he had away at any moment. A few cycles in a row he did nothing, stayed in bed and let the resets take him, one after another. And then he landed in a universe where he had nothing. No Kitty, no Pearl to look forward to, no Tuckersoft or Mohan, and no game. He was back where he had started years earlier, but at his present age. In the basement of his parent’s. He could hear them yelling upstairs. The TV flickered helplessly. And for a moment, he was paralyzed. And then he felt the call of all the worlds he had been through, all the timelines he had worked and the progress he had made. He thought about what he learned and how he had grown and how much stronger he was now than he was when he was younger, even if it was hard to see. And he let that power, and the strength of the future flow into him, and resolved himself to stop being afraid. To climb his way through the timelines, to own the mistakes he had made, and will make, and was making because he knew that there was always a round 2. He could try again. And then he climbed out of the basement, and ran away into the world, just like he had done back then, past his parents and his regrets, and just wandered. At the end of the night, the reset overtook him, and he was propelled back into the world he knew. He threw himself back at Metl Hed and did his best to make himself proud. To show himself, and his younger self that he could make it. It was hard, and it wasn’t always perfect, but he made it work. There were moments of such brightness that kept him grounded, and able to stand it all. There was the birth of Pearl, not planned for, and the news that Kitty had been trying to tell him the day of the first mistake. He missed it the first time it happened but made it every time after that. If not for anything else, he wanted to try and keep being there for her as well, so that she didn’t have to go through what he did, unloving and hurtful fake parents, being drugged in the night, having to watch his back every second of every day since he was young. He wanted her to have a bright world, a world she would be happy in.

            He felt pins and needles on his neck and was snapped out of reminiscing by Thakur’s bemused and scolding glare as the man peeked his head of his office. He didn’t usually care what Colin got up to during the workday as long as there was a game on his desk by the time he had prescribed, but he did usually want Colin to at least fake the look of being productive. Thakur motioned him over as Colin stared, so Colin made his way down the hallway reluctantly and strolled into his office. Thakur sat down at his desk and Colin plopped down onto the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table.

            “What’d you need?” Colin asked, staring forward at the door and letting his eyes meander their way back towards Thakur.

            “What I need, star as you are, is to stop distracting everyone with your creepy staring,” Mohan chided. “You’re going to scare all the new people away!”

            “For your information, I was trying to get inspired,” Colin pointed out

            “By what, drilling boreholes into their heads with your eyes?” Mohan tsked, “No, no, that demo is in about an hour, and I need you to, at the bare, barest minimum, be working on something, at your desk-” His eyes pushed into Colin's as he continued with hard enunciation, “Like. A. Normal. Person.”

            Colin chucked softly, “Have I been normal for one inch of the time you’ve known me?”

            Mohan rubbed his forehead in defeat, “That’s not the point! If this kid comes in and thinks that you spend all your time slacking off only to spin a perfect game at the last second, he’s gonna think he can do the same. And yes, don’t interrupt me-“ He held up a finger as Colin opened his mouth, “I know you could probably produce an entire game in one night with your eyes closed while I dunno- juggling? But again. Not the point. We’ve got a little more cash now with Metl Hed, the board is happy, the shareholders are happy, and frankly, and I’m sure you’ll agree, it would so much less of a headache to keep them that way. Which means more and better games. Which means continual productivity from everyone. And you’ve got to set the example.”

            Colin swallowed a small gulp and rolled his eyes. “You know,” He interjected, “I’m not sure I have the capacity to scare someone off. Unless maybe I literally started chasing them,” He mused, and Mohan gritted his teeth. Dealing with Colin was a rewarding but painful headache. “They like me too much, like the games too much, to ever run off” He concluded in satisfaction.

            “Whatever, whatever Colin, please. Will you just, go put something on your screen and fiddle with it. For my sake, and the sake of our productivity as a company? And will you send in Satpal on your way out? I’m gonna need an over the counter after this if I’m going to make it through the day.” Thakur groaned and put his head on the desk.

            “Sure, why not,” Colin strutted out, bemused to have given Thakur a headache. Serves him right sometimes. He spotted Satpal, Thakur’s dutiful intern, walking towards the lobby. “Hey Sat!” He called, and the boy looked up. Colin thumbed back at the office. “Boss wants you.” Satpal groaned and put a hand on Colin’s shoulder as they passed each other.

            “Please pray for me,” Satpal joked, his mouth worrying itself into a frown.

            “Will do,” He replied, and saluted him as he headed back towards his desk. He sat down, feeling refreshed. If nothing else, the novelty of the day so far was helping him feel more creative already. He called up a couple of coding tools on his computer and started to fuss around with them. He might not have any ideas, but he could sharpen his skills in the meantime. At least until it was time for the demo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steadily approaching the meeting of Colin and Stefan!


	4. First Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin and Stefan finally come face to face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Splitting this into bits, because I'm literally rewriting the scene dialogue for dialogue cept the bits that don't fit like a crazy person and it's time to go to bed
> 
> Edit: All the bits are together, after a good night's rest!

            The hour past itself with little fanfare. Colin had continued to fiddle with his basic code and had conjured up a simple walk cycle of a small, person-shaped sprite. He was trying to get the spite to glide cleanly across the screen as it moved and had been fairly successful in his efforts. Now he was working on making another sprite run in a similar manner. He heard Thakur talking behind him towards the lobby, and Satpal flickered at the edge of his vision as he pasted up a poster of Metl Hed. But these things barely registered from behind the shield and sound of his headphones. He was in the zone with his sprite experiment, coding with one hand and fiddling with a roll up in the other. His eyes didn’t even flick up as several shapes moved around him. He’d already been startled once today and was in no mood to feel that way again. It only called him back to the first mistake. Plus, the sprites were holding his attention at a steady level, shaving off a layer of anxious energy. So, when Thakur pulled his headphone’s off, Colin didn’t react as entertainingly as he had that morning, Thakur’s cheekiness be damned.

            “What’s this, Kajagoogoo?” Thakur mocked laughingly, and Colin looked up at him slowly, his face only barely betraying a grain of annoyance. His eyes flicked to the other figure in his desk space and back to Thakur.

            “You wish,” He retorted, pulling his cigarette back to his mouth. His now free hand drifted to the desk to pick up his lighter

            “State of him!” Thakur gestured, “He’s made enough this year to buy a Lamborghini-“ He leaned in condescendingly, “-and he still smokes roll-ups!”

            “Yeah, well, pre-rolled have strychnine in them, so the joke’s on him,” He responded, looking back towards the newcomer, voice muffled behind the edge of the cigarette. He gestured as he talked, raising his lighter to plant an ember on the cigarette’s end.

            “Anyway-“ Thakur interrupted, “This is Stefan, er…”

            “Butler, Butler!” The newcomer replied eagerly, reaching a shy hand down as Colin looked on.

            Colin met it politely, and stared at the newcomer, er, Stefan. His shoulders were slumped, his arms so close to his chest. He’d never seen someone so visibly anxious, besides himself in the mirror some days. “I’m Colin, yeah?” He introduced, though, from the way Stefan was looking at him, he already knew that detail inside and out. He didn’t seek out encounters with many fans, precisely for the reason plastered all over Stefan’s face. Starstruck. They looked at him in a way that he just couldn’t justify with the way he felt. At least his fans in the office had the politeness to hide their giddiness at first and would mellow out over time as they spent more time near him. He didn’t mind it really, it was just… bewildering.

            Stefan’s hand pulled away from the shake slowly, his apparent awe shining down on Colin. ‘I wonder,’ mused Colin cheekily to himself, ‘If he’ll ever want to wash that hand again?’

            “Yeah I’ve played all of your games,” Stefan responded emphatically, his hands fluttering in front of him, “All of them.” His eyes widened anxiously. “Except the Commodore ones,” he continued shakily, “ I d-d-don’t, I don’t have a Commodore.”

            “Well,” Colin took a short drag, “Great sound chip, the Commodore.”

            “Mm-hm,” hummed Mohan in agreement, nodding approval.

            “Yeah,” whispered Stefan, mirroring Mohan’s nod. His body dipped slightly closer to Colin.

            Colin pulled away from Stefan’s intense gaze and put the cigarette back in his mouth. He looked back at the computer. “This is what I’ve been working on,” He continued and poked at the run key. The background code popped up, and then the screen cleared, showing the sprites on a white background

            Stefan and Thakur leaned in close, one in awe, the other in curiosity at what on earth Colin had been playing with since he had left the office earlier.

            “I figure I can use them for a game in the future,” He tapped the arrow keys to move the spites back and forth. They walked and ran in sync across the screen.

            “The sprites are so smooth,” remarked Stefan in wonder as Thakur bobbed his head in enthusiasm.

            “That took some doing,” He noted, neglected to add that it was only an hour of doing. Unbecoming to brag, especially to someone who was his fan, and an up and coming game designer in his own right, apparently. But almost as if the universe was conspiring against him, which of course, it was, the loops were proof enough of that, the screen flicked out and went white. “Oh, bollocks.” He pulled his cigarette out and trained his gaze on the screen. Just his luck that something like this would happen. He held back an external flinch and tried to rein in his focus.

            “What’s that?” Stefan asked, his voice striking a chord between worried and utterly fascinated.

            “It’s a buffer error,” He fiddled with the cigarette and put it back in his mouth. A nervous tick that had only gotten worse with time. Mohan and Stefan pulled back up slightly like they thought that more air around Colin’s head would help his focus or something. “The walk cycles have overrun the video memory, and-”

            “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, video memory, yeah. I was going to say that, yeah, yeah, yeah” Mohan cut in confidently, though his rambling speech easily betrayed his inexperience. “Anyway, listen, let’s get down to business. Stefan’s got something to demo for us.”

            Colin leaned back in his chair and looked up at him, ‘Excellent. Finally.’ He thought. He was excited at the continued newness of the day, especially since he didn’t remember Stefan’s game being mentioned to be shown in previous timelines. He looked back at Stefan. If this was the only chance that he was going to get, he wanted to drink it in. But he cautioned himself, it might not meet any sort of expectation.

 

            They all continued on to the office, and Stefan set himself up on one of Mohan’s computers and started the game. It loaded, and Stefan picked up a controller and started to move through what looked like a series of 3D corridors.

            “Bloody hell,” remarked Mohan, impressed, moving towards Stefan as he navigated, “So it’s like 3D monster maze?” Colin fiddled with the materials Stefan had brought with him quietly.

            “Only when you’re moving from choice to choice,” Stefan explained. He was more upbeat now, his shy exterior giving way as he settled comfortably into his element.

            ‘It’s clear he’s passionate,’ thought Colin as he watched the scene.

            “It’s actually an adventure game,” Stefan continued, his hands dancing vibrantly as he talked.

            “Like the Hobbit,” Mohan smiled, leaning over the desk, totally engrossed.

            Stefan correctly quickly, “Yeah, but without any typing.”

            “Without any typing?” Mohan glanced back at Colin, clearly already sold on the idea. “So no, ‘get lamp’ or whatever?”

            Stefan smiled broadly, “That’s right.”

            Mohan chuckled and nodded approvingly at Colin. ‘He sure seems pleased he picked this one up,' thought Colin, staring deeply at the screen after mimicking Mohan’s motion. Something about this game was picking at the edge of his subconscious.

            Stefan turned another hallway, and a figure appeared, getting larger and larger as he approached. The game beeped rapidly as the figure filled the screen. “Choices come up on the screen, and you pick one against the clock,” The music turned slightly menacing as the sprite changed into a more detailed close-up. ‘Puny Human!!!’, the screen read, ‘Will you worship me?’ it asked, with the choices of ‘Deny Pax’ and ‘Worship Pax’ placed squarely at the bottom. Stefan pointed at the screen, “Ok, he’s Pax, He’s the demon. H-He’s in the book.” Mohan scooted himself closer for a better look. “So, we’ve actually arrived at a choice point, and then you can choose with the joystick, you’ve got ten seconds,” Stefan glanced at Colin.

            Colin knitted his eyebrows together. Interesting concept, but what to choose? How about, just for the hell of it, “Worship him,” he selected and looked back at Stefan, who looked slightly alarmed.

            “No, don’t do that!” He protested. “He’s the Thief of Destiny! In the book I mean…” he trailed off and started fidgeting with the edge of the joystick anxiously.

            “I’ve got a copy of this at home,” Colin picked up the copy he had been fiddling with, “Never got around to reading it. I was thinking about using it as inspiration for Metl Hed. Guess it’s better you got to it first.” He flicked through the pages absently.

            “You should,” Stefan replied earnestly, “Read it I mean. Jerome F. Davies was a genius.”

            “Didn’t he go bonkers and cut his wife’s head off?” Colin remembered suddenly. So maybe there’s the reason he never picked it up. Metl Hed had dark enough tones as it was. The last thing it would have needed was something like this. ‘Which begs the question of why I got it in the first place,’ Colin pointed out to himself. He looked over at Stefan quizzically and picked up a rubber band ball from Thakur’s desk to fiddle with.

            Stefan waved his hand, “Yeah, but I mean, apart from that-“

            “Excuse me.” Thakur snagged the controller from Stefan’s startled hands and pushed the button to worship Pax and the screen cut out and displayed white. “What’s happened?” he asked in confusion.

            Stefan gestured toward the screen, “Well, I haven’t programmed that pathway yet.” This seemed both reasonable, and like a notable lack of effort to Colin. But Thakur did not seem deterred in the slightest.

            “Lot of paths then?” He asked Stefan, setting the controller gingerly back onto the table.

            “Well yeah,” Stefan explained and continued matter of factly, “If it’s going to be like the book.” He glanced back up at Thakur, who straightened himself back up to tower over the table.

            “So, come on. How do you want to go about this?” Thakur’s arms came close to his body in a confident stance.

            Stefan looked baffled, “You’re, you’re interested?” He leaned in with excitement.

            Mohan looked up, amused. “That’s what I’m saying,” he laughed, eyes swinging to Colin and pivoting back to Stefan. “Ok, it’s July now, so if we want to hit Christmas, then we’ll need the tapes in Smiths by November.” Mohan clapped his hands together in excitement, “Ok. Here’s my proposal. Come and write it here!” He beamed, pleased with his suggestion.

            Stefan’s eyes widened, much to Colin’s continued amusement. The delight on his face reminded Colin of when he was just starting out under Thakur’s wing.

            “Here?” Stefan was in disbelief.

            “Yeah!” Mohan widened his arms, “We’ll give you a couple of desks, set up a small team, just for you.” If there was one thing Mohan was good at, it was spotting potential. And Stefan was fresh-faced, seemingly unaware of his own talent. So, if Mohan could make him loyal to Tuckersoft? Raise him into it like he had done Colin? There was potential for some serious bank. “And of course, Col’s on hand. What do you reckon?” He pressed, “Oh and hey, I'm hiring this sound chip guy next week, so music we can take care of all in-house.” Stefan looked on, silently unsure.

**[Stop Stefan]            [Stay Silent]**

            That was an interesting set of choices Colin thought. Why would he want to stop him? It seemed kind of foreboding. He would rather stay silent and see how this goes, so he prepared to resist if he felt compelled to say anything. Luckily, no such urge materialized, so when Stefan looked at him for help, he merely raised his eyebrows and half shrugged, palming the rubber band ball back and forth on his hands.

            “So come on,” Thakur pressed, “What’s your answer?”

            “Yes!” Stefan smiled. It was everything he ever wanted.

            Thakur clapped, “Perfect! Perfect!” Colin looked down, mouth twisting together. As much as he was pleased for Stefan, dealing with Thakur was a whole other ball game. One he knew unfortunately well. “OK, so the first thing we need to do is streamline the project a little.” Thakur explained, “We can't fit a breeze block of a book into 48K.” Stefan blinked and looked away, slightly crestfallen. Thakur clasped his hands together and the door to the office opened. “Oh, look at this!” He laughed. Satpal came in quietly and handed him the result of one of the many errands he had been made to go on that day.

            “Here you go,” Satpal said.

            “Happy Birthday to me,” joked Thakur

            Colin felt compelled to come over to Stefan. He put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and replaced the rubber band ball on Thakur’s desk, “I’ll be here if you need me. C’mon.” Colin led Stefan out of Thakur’s office. “What’d you listen to?” He asked as they walked down the hall.

            “Hmm?” Stefan fiddled his presentation materials back into his bag.

            “To get into the flow?” Colin walked back into his desk space.

            “Oh, music?” Stefan realized as he followed Colin in.

            Colin nodded and plopped into his chair and leaned back with interest.

            “Er, compilations mainly,” Stefan looked down, feeling awkward.

            “Get a pen,” encouraged Colin. Like Thakur, he could see promise in Stefan. Unlike his boss though, he wasn’t interested in sucking away Stefan’s artistic spirit just to collect the bottom dollar. He wanted him to flourish and grow. And he knew just the music that would make the right impact.


	5. Flashbackbang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin reminisces and meets a familiar face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tags do say it's a slow one, right? Just hang in, we'll get to the meat of it all

               After he left the office that day, Colin felt a sense of satisfaction. The idea of Bandersnatch was intriguing, and just what he needed to get rolling on a new game. He desperately hoped that this timeline wasn’t just a one-off, a universal throw away. He liked Stefan, quite a lot actually. In the moments when Stefan had shed his bright-eyed fanboying cloak, he had shown that he had real skill, as well as passion, knowledge, a drive to really create something meaningful. It was truly inspiring to Colin. His emotions felt heightened, his senses tingly. Something about their interaction gave off sparks. Maybe part of it was nostalgia. He’d once had eyes as bright as Stefan’s. Oh, the nativity. But churning out games for Thakur had taken away part of that light, and then twisting through the paths had tried to take another. He was determined to not let that happen to Stefan. He knew how to learn from the mistakes of the past.

               When Thakur took him in, he was only 17.  He’d been on the streets for a year and a half after running away from home. He leapt from friend’s house to friend’s house and eventually landed on a blow-up mattress in the basement of a friend of a friend. This friend’s dad was not a big fan of some random kid freeloading. So he put him to work. The dad owned a RadioShack and was cheap, he didn’t see any problem with making the kid in his basement work for room and board. Colin had messed with some computer parts before, his shop teacher in high school (before he, you know, dropped out and ran away) had a soft spot for tinkering. That meant that Colin was able to understand how to help the customers at the shop, which was a bonus for his greedy boss. The store wasn’t a particularly busy location, read, not as profitable for the owner, so Colin had lots of time to himself. As well as idle hands.

               It didn’t take long for one thing to lead to another, and for Colin’s hands to stray to computers on display that he may or may not have been told to keep his paws off of. But he was bored, the store was empty, and c’mon! They were just sitting there, begging to be coded upon. And code he did, in conjunction with the piles of manuals and guides piled into the corner for sale at the store. He learned how to turn the words that he typed into pictures. In the bottom of that basement he kept hordes of notebooks with doodles and drawings of what he wanted to create, surrounded by pages of notes on how to translate his vision to the screen. He finally felt like he had some sort of purpose, a vision for the future. He was going to make computer games.

               “You’re going to make what now?” Colin had been putting code into the floor model computer when a customer had walked in. His intense activity and focus had quickly prompted them into asking what on earth he was working on, to which he had responded with a long rambling excited speech about how he was going to make computer games and change the world.

               “I don’t know about changing the world mate,” the customer laughed, “But I am intrigued!”

               Colin’s hands went up defensively, feeling awkward, “Sorry, sorry, haha.” He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, “I’ve been working on this for months now and I’ve not had the chance to talk to anyone about it. I didn’t mean to unload, really!”

               “It’s no problem kid,” the customer smiled back, “You’ve rambled to the right random stranger this time. Stuff like this is right up my alley.” The customer handed him a small and flimsy business card. “I’m Mohan Thakur, yeah? Computer builder extraordinaire.”

               “S-sorry mate,” Colin fingered his glasses, “I’ve um, never actually heard of you?”

               “No doubt, no doubt. I’m a local one to be fair. But-“ Mohan held up a finger, “I’ll be a Gates or a Wozniak right up there with the rest of them right soon, I’d bet my whole supply on it!”

               “Supply?” Colin was starting to feel very small and confused next to whatever kind of energy this guy was putting out.

               “Of computers and parts of course!” Mohan beamed and crossed his arms, “Speaking of which, I’m looking to re-up on graphics cards for my newest project.” He glanced around. “Erm?” Colin stood motionless. “Earth to Radioshack kid? Point the way?” Mohan dipped his head down and glanced at Colin.

               “Right, right! Sorry again.” Colin took him over to what he wanted, “I’m just a bit out of my head, hearing someone else talk about computers.”

               Mohan raised an eyebrow and gestured questioningly to the whole of the shop.

               Colin laughed and let out a small smile, “I know! But, really, we barely get anybody. And the hobbyists we do get know what they want and are in an out before you could even think to say the word hello. And the old ladies are just grandmas who want radios for their grandchildren. And the older men with them are just trying to fix the radios that they bought for their grandchildren. Not really-“ He paused and wrung his mouth sideways, “-a very talkative or interested crowd.”

               “I’m sure the grandmas would be interested if you could grandchildren proof the radios,” Mohan joked. “I usually don’t come to the one this side of town,” He remarked, looking around the simple store. “The other ones a bit nicer, actually,” He said, almost apologetic.

               Colin waved him off, “My boss is just,” he lowered his voice, “a bit on the cheap side. I’m staying at his, so I don’t even really get paid.”

               “Whaaat?” Thakur gasped in surprise, “That’s crazy man, you can do stuff like that-“ He pointed at the computer, which was currently displaying a sprite for a small white bear standing on a white block, “-and the bloke won’t even pay you? That’s rubbish.”

               Colin shrugged noncommittally, “At least I’ve got a roof. That’s more than most.”

               “Nah, nah, nah,” Mohan tsked, “There’s more to life, yeah? Hey-“ He smiled, “If you ever want something more interesting then pacing back and forth in this boring dump, I could really use someone who knows code. I’ve got the parts down-” He lifted the hand with the graphics card, “But that coding stuff just…” He whistled, and flicked his free hand over his head, “Goes right over me, I don’t have the skull for it.”

               Colin smiled sadly to himself. He didn’t really have enough confidence in his skills yet to even consider helping this guy out, though the offer was terribly flattering. “Uh, thanks.” He flushed, “Ring you up then?” He changed the subject, anything to stop the spread of the red on his face.

               Mohan snapped his fingers, “Very true, I do have to get back to it.” He waggled his finger. “But really think about it man. I just know that I could get something great from you, I can feel it in my bones.” He shook his fist as they walked over to the checkout. “And hey-“ He leaned over the counter and gestured to the card still sticking out from between Colin’s fingers. “You know how to find me.”


	6. Domestic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin heads home for the day and shares a sweet moment with Kitty and Pearl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Domestic Colin is domestic...

               Colin took the path back to the apartment slowly. The sun was still shining fairly bright, dipping its way down through the sky, slowed by the summer heat. He was tempted to move as randomly as he had that morning, but the temptation was broken by the desire to pop by the odd coffee shop he had spotted. There was plenty of time and lines to visit it in the future, but the day had taken its toll and he could really use a tea, about an hour ago. He semi-reluctantly retraced his steps and landed in front of the café. It primarily gave off the appearance of a typical arcade, but like someone had haphazardly glued a café onto part of its center. The whole effect was more charming than shitty, but it could honestly go either way. Colin strolled in, his eyes lazily tracking over the arcade machines, and relishing in the appearance of a small cluster of computers in the corner, one of which was currently being occupied by someone engrossed in Metl Hed, much to his amusement. He approached the counter and crossed his arms, considering the choices the café had to offer, which were printed on a small sign on the counter. The girl behind the counter ground her nails together in a show of indifference impatience.

               “Uh, one black tea then,” He concluded and flicked his glasses up on his face. The girl nodded wordlessly and held her hand out expectantly.

               “Oh!” He fished through his pocket for some change, “Right. Here you are then.” He handed over the coins to her waiting hand.

               As he waited, he stood a respectful distance from the person playing his game and watched them move through the levels.

               “Dangit!” They exclaimed as the robotic dog chasing them caught up and the level ended. They turned to the person next to them, “I always get stuck here!”

               Their neighbor looked over, “I think you can’t make it here without some sort of thing you get in the past levels. I’m never able to do it either.”

               Colin smiled to himself. People always got stuck here in playtesting, but eventually were able to figure it out.

               “I’m just going to have to give up and try it all again tomorrow,” The person sighed. “I wish I had one of these at home,” They poked the computer screen, “Then I wouldn’t have to play it over and over again! I think I’m going to go nuts if I keep at it.”

               Their companion laughed, “At the very least, you’re going to get really good at it!”

               “Sure, sure” They heaped their stuff into their bag. “See you tomorrow then!” They waved and headed out of the café.

               The coffee girl plopped his drink down on the counter and Colin reached over and grabbed it. He coiled his hand around it and started towards the door.

               “Hey!” He called back at the remaining person by the computers, “If you see them again,” He gestured towards the door, “Tell them they’ve got to get the candy gun a few levels back. It’s in the warehouse hidden in a stack of crates.” He raised his cup up jovially and walked out of the café.

               “Was that?” The customer said in wonder to no one in particular, “Colin Ritman??”

               Colin laughed quietly as he started the walk home, tea in hand. It never stopped being entertaining, giving fans just a taste and making them double-take. It was the best part of notoriety, in his opinion. He weaved his way back through the streets until he reached the apartment and headed upstairs. Kitty would probably be there waiting unless she had gotten bored or hungry and gone out to do shopping or browse the shops. She was taking time off from her call center job, just for a bit for Pearl’s sake. They had discussed her maybe not returning to the job since Colin’s work was experiencing so much success, but she had just shrugged and said that she wanted to keep things diverse and interesting. In a few timelines, just for the experience, Colin had stayed home with Pearl instead and coded on his computer with her in his lap. But it had led to a very annoyed and impatience Thakur, so he only did it one or two times. One thing that Kitty did do to keep herself from going mad from being alone with the baby was creating more artwork. She had started out as an artist, and it was actually part of how they met. With Pearl at home, she had started creating mesmerizing and psychedelic pieces where she would dribble paint onto a canvas and let it drip and swirl as she let gravity move the paint around. This is how Colin found her, on the floor of the kitchen, focusing intently on the swirling colors in her hands. Pearl was on the floor a few feet away, on her back with her arms and legs waggling cheerfully in the air. Colin ducked his head towards her as he entered the door.

               “Inspired,” He commented, looking at the canvas. It held shades of white, black and gray, all moving gracefully as she moved it around, as well as a startling shock of bright blue through the middle. “Want a sip?” He asked and offered his cup.

               She shook her head, smiled, and looked up at him. “Nah, hands are a bit full, see?” She tilted the canvas carefully. They shared a warm glance. Despite some of his feelings, there was still so much love between them. Plus, they had been friends for a long time before Pearl, and their bond was strong as steel cable.

               Colin sniffed the air. “I don’t smell any food, burnt or otherwise,” he joked, and Kitty wrinkled her nose at him in mock offense. “So, takeout? Or will I need to find a way to conjure something from the fridge?” He opened it cautiously. It was sparse in total, they tended to be terrible at remembering to go shopping or even having the energy for it or cooking after long days of coding and taking care of Pearl between him. Colin had tried to remedy this in the loops and had worked on learning simple and filling dishes he could put together quickly. Kitty was naturally pyrogenic and tended to burn anything she tried to put on, even to her best efforts. That didn’t leave much cooking ability between the two, and they often resorted to takeout, which luckily, they could afford.

               “I’m alright actually. I had a spot of toast earlier with the rest of the jam and that did it for me,” Kitty responded, putting her piece down onto a small drying rack next to her with satisfaction. “But if you could heat up some milk for Pearl, that would be a treat.” She scooted over on the floor to Pearl and danced her fingers over her, causing the baby to reach up for them with wonder.

               Colin opened the freezer, which was primarily occupied with milk for Pearl that Kitty had prepared in advance. He took out a small pot, filled it with water and started it on the stove. “Do you think you could do groceries tonight?” He placed the bag of milk in the water, “I’m afraid if we don’t, that we might starve come morning.”

               “Of course,” Kitty cooed, baby-talking to Pearl as she answered, “Do you want me to take Pearl with me? Or leave her here?”

**[Take her with]            [Leave her here]**

               Colin decided to embrace whichever choice he was given and stirred the bag of milk around with a wooden spoon.

               “I’m pretty sure I can trust you to not set anything here on fire while I’m gone, unlike me,” Kitty got up and stretched, “So?”

**[Leave her here]**

               “She’s good here,” He looked down at Pearl, eyes softening, “I’ve been gone all day, and she’s due for a nap soon anyways.”

               “Suit yourself,” Kitty’s curls bounced as she spun towards Colin and looped her arms around his shoulders. “You gonna make yourself any food?”

               “Erm,” He eyed back at the fridge, “Isn’t that what you’re going to the store for?” He was far too tired to cook.

She smacked him playfully, “Very funny you.” She untangled herself from him and went towards the table to snag up her purse. “Please order something so you don’t starve,” She chided, “Or I will have to make you.”

               “Oh,” Colin’s mouth opened in mock surprise, “Please, don’t tempt me.” He took the bag out of the water and funneled it carefully into a bottle.

               Kitty scowled at him by the door, “Colin…” She warned.

               He looked back at her with a crooked grin, “Yeah I promise.” He bobbed his chin up, “You got a list for the store?”

               “Haha, no,” She scoffed, “What sort needs a list?”

               He clasped his chest, “Me, or all we’d have to eat would be crisps.”

               She cleared her throat, “I’m responsible. I don’t need a list. I will go to the store and bring back food.” She opened the door and started down the hall, “Of some sort at least!” Her voice trailed off as she headed out.

               Colin popped over and shut the door. He picked up Pearl gently from the floor and sat down at the table to feed her. While she nursed from the bottle, he gingerly perched his chin on top of her head. ‘Oh, the miracles mistakes can make,’ he mused. Pearl was the shining light of a dark world. He burped her and carried her around the apartment to lull her to sleep. After a bit, he laid her in her crib, and headed into his den to work, the door left open, so he could hear her if she needed him. He made a fresh cup of tea and placed it on the desk. Fishing some tobacco from a tin, and his rolling papers from the drawer, he made a few rollups and stacked them off to the side. All were part of a frequent ritual to try and get himself in a creative mood. He might not be at work anymore, but Colin didn’t like the feeling of doing nothing, of being too alone with his thoughts. In the course of the loops, he had picked up the habit of memorizing code from Metl Hed and then entering it without looking. It had turned into a self-soothing task that let him focus without too much effort in a way that let him relax. He set to work, one line of code appearing after another smoothly. He let his breathing settle and his heart rate lower. It was only then that he was able to think and not get overwhelmed. He replayed back the events of the day. Waking up to the newness, Thakur startling him, pacing around the office and finally, meeting Stefan Butler. He felt certain that their meeting would not be one he would forget anytime soon.


	7. Drift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin stays up late to try and read some of Bandersnatch. This... was not an ideal decision.

            Colin drifted in the space outside of his body, his consciousness tugging and flagging around the thoughts of the day as he slept. His body twisted and pulled at the sheets of the bed, restless. He had been up late into the night, long past when Kitty had returned home with hard-earned food from the market. She had drifted into his den after, babbling on cheerfully about the lines in the store and the price of apples and how she had managed to get them some food with substance if he could believe it. But Colin, try as he might, hadn’t really been able to listen. For a while, he had been in a meditative state, rewriting his code for Metl Hed. This had eventually shifted into redoing some of the sprites with the techniques he had been messing around with at the office, and then finally, his attention turned back to Bandersnatch. In fact, while Kitty was chattering, he had the long-ignored book in his lap, he had dusted it off and was pawing his way through the tome of pages. It was a fascinating and terrifying beast, he could see the attraction of it, the odd creative energy that might pull someone down into it. Eventually, Kitty got up, kissed him goodnight and went off to attend to Pearl and herself before settling down into nighttime rituals. But the book kept him glued in place, he had even forgotten (or perhaps willfully ignored, on some level), Kitty’s instruction to introduce sustenance into his body. He read deeply, increasing in fervency as he went, licking his finger and flicking his way through. Suddenly, Pearl cried out into the night, and the spell was broken. He heard Kitty get up to go soothe her, and he sat there, finger poised above the next page and looking toward the direction of the bedroom, feeling strange and pale. Shakily, he closed the book and pressed his hands against the cover, trying to take a steady breath. Colin took the book and set it in the far corner of the room, and then he maneuvered himself over the couch, moving as if another force beyond himself was controlling him, wrapped a blanket around himself. Small droplets of tears dewed up around his eyes as he pressed his face into one of the cushions. Colin shivered, feeling confused and cold in the darkened room.

            “What the fuck is going on?” He whispered into the couch. He clutched his arms into himself tight, settling into the soothing pressure. That book had overcome him, pulled him deep like the hole in his mind he was far too familiar with. It was like being underwater, in Jerome F. Davis own troubled mind. The story was twisting and frightening, and deeply, deeply… compelling. He couldn’t even quite remember what he had read in those feverish moments and yet, it felt like it was something that connected to him on a level he couldn’t yet access. It was bizarre and deeply uncomfortable, Colin felt like a layer of protection in his psyche had been stripped off and now he was left naked and afraid in the darkness. ‘But of course,’ He reminded himself patiently, ‘I’m not alone. I’m not in the darkness. I have Kitty, and my shining Pearl, and Tuckersoft.’ He rubbed his arms with the soft edge of the blanket. He had often used the worlds of books to escape as a child, glazing his mind over the darkness of his reality, but he hadn’t fallen that deep into one in quite some time. And unlike the books he had used back then, this one seemed to enable darkness as opposed to paving a way over and around it. Colin had struggled a lot with mental illness throughout his life, and he’d made some improvement through the time given to him in the loops, but he knew he’d never be finished. It was a lifelong struggle to keep himself afloat, but one that was worth it for everything he had gained, despite the pain of it all. The way he was feeling now, after reading Bandersnatch, seemed everything akin to a backslide. But it also sparked curiosity in Colin. What had drawn him to that book in the first place, what had drawn Stefan? And why and how could the way it was written pull him down that deep? It was looking like a piece of himself in the mirror, reflected cold and dark. Colin was no good at backing down from a challenge, and this seemed like a new mountain to climb and overcome, to investigate this part of himself and… let the light in? Clean the cobwebs out? Embrace it? He wasn’t sure. He just knew that this was part of the way forward, so really, even if it wasn’t something he was prepared for, the only way out was up.

            It was these thoughts and experiences that Colin’s unconscious was forced to reconcile in his sleep, an uneasy task by any standard. His dreams were erratic, and many a nightmare made its way to the stage. The turbulence of his dreams manifested itself physically, and Kitty had to shove Colin back to the other side of the bed and steal back the sheets a few times as they slept. The fitfulness carried over into the morning, and Colin awoke with a start into the light of another new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am back for a bit, thank you lovely commenters who reminded me to write on this. I can't really commit to a schedule in updating, but if I can convince myself that writing would be a better thing to do than watching Netflix and playing sudoku I think I'll have a home run!


	8. Awaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin discloses what happened the night before to Kitty

            “Thank the universe for new days,” said Kitty cheerfully, bouncing Pearl on her hip as she roamed around the kitchen. The baby cooed and reached her small hands up to play with an orange fluff of her mother’s hair dangling temptingly above her. “They bring, for one, an end to the endless struggle between the blankets that warm me in the night, and your legs, as well an excellent excuse to eat the new pot of jam I bought us!”

            Colin stared at her sleepily. He had only just gotten up, and the lingering sense of his dreams was disorienting him. He couldn’t tell for sure yet that today was a new day, but it was all different than the morning prior, so he suspected that something had gone right yesterday after all. Interrupting his daze and confusion, Kitty thrust a jam crusted piece of toast towards him with her free hand.

            “I don’t even know what you got up to eating yesterday,” She grumbled as he gingerly took the toast, “Or even last night, though you did promise.” Kitty glared at him, her expression filtered through layers of worry and annoyance.

            “I, um-“He straightened his glasses and posture and he caught hold of the toast in his mouth, “got lost in something,” he mumbled from behind the toast. She stared at him, a spot of pity in her eyes.

            “You’re not slipping again?” Her tone was soft and comforting, “I know there’s a lot of pressure on you now that Metl Hed is finished but…” She trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. “It was a hard road to get where we are, and I worry about you, and the future, and everything! I just want to make sure that you’re ok. That -we- are ok. I get so scared sometimes? And I know you do too but, when we’re together, and things are going really well? I feel so strong with you Col. Like I’m not going to float away on the next gust of wind. I feel solid and care for and happy! Happier than I ever thought I could feel in my life. And I know you do too, or at least, I hope you do? But for us to be there, we have to keep making it through, which means you have to talk to me, yeah?” She blinked rapidly, and covered her mouth with her free hand, bouncing Pearl anxiously on her hip. She looked up at him and made a small smile, “I know that’s all a lot, but you get what I mean, I hope.” Colin ran a stray finger through his hair and smiled back.

            “C’mere Kit,” He gestured, and pulled them both close. “You’re right, let’s sit down for breakfast quick and then… maybe you can walk me to work?” Kitty nodded happily and handed off Pearl to Colin so she could fix herself something. Colin ate his toast and burped Pearl as Kitty sat down. They ate in comfortable silence before finishing up and heading out the door.

            “So…” Kitty prompted as they strolled, pushing Pearl’s pram ahead of her, “What happened after I left for the shops?” Colin fiddled with the rollup behind his ear, unwilling to light it in front of Pearl but still soothed by the action.

            “I got sucked in.” He replied quietly. “At work yesterday, a new kid came in. Showed us this game based on a book I got while working on Metl Hed, Bandersnatch, remember?” He tilted his head towards her. Kitty shrugged noncommittally, listening attentively as they walked. “So, I pulled it out, to get a better sense of what he showed us and.” Colin paused, his steps faltering. “It spoke to me, not in the literally out loud kind sense, but to something inside of me. Like the way I feel when I’m in the hole, but not quite. Like the layers of myself are being peeled back and I’m looking at the core of who I am.” Colin did stop now, in sentence and in walking. Kitty looked back at him concerned.

            “I know who you are in the hole,” She said in concern, “and I love you there still, but when you’re there you hurt. And I can’t bear it.” Her hand tightened around the pram.

            “I know you want to talk about this, and I want to want to talk about this with you too Kitty, but there’s a lot of feelings here, and it’s messy and complicated, and,” He chuckled wryly, “not a very convenient state to be in before putting up with Thakur all day.” Kitty giggled at that and pulled Colin close.

            “I understand you know,” She sighed, “I don’t necessarily like it, but I do understand.” Kitty ran her hand through Colin’s spiked hair gently and kissed him on the forehead. “Go on then,” Kitty gestured towards the Tuckersoft building peeking over the sea of buildings near them, “As long as you promise we can dig into this more later. It’s important to me.”

               “I promise,” Colin tugged down his rollup. “And I also promise to let you talk about what’s been up with you as well.” Kitty batted at his arm at that. “Hey! Hey!” He protested, “I’m just saying that I know I’m not the only person with issues-“ She swatted towards him again and he moved back a step cheekily. “and I want to listen! Jeez.”

               “I’ll show you someone with issues!” She wrinkled her nose at him in mock annoyance, “You twerp!” They both burst out laughing at their ridiculous play banter. It was good to have a tension breaker, good to find warmth and humor when things didn’t feel ok. Their ability to play off each other was everything to Colin, and he headed off to work feeling well and settled as Kitty split off in the other direction with Pearl. Colin lit his rollup and wound his way back to Tuckersoft. He was getting used to the imposing building, his ability to walk to the office. ‘I’ll have to walk with Kitty and Pearl more often,” He thought fondly. But for now, he had to face another day and figure out what the world wanted him to do next.


	9. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin goes back to the office. Who is waiting for him there?

            There was someone sitting at his desk. The very sight of it made him stop in his tracks as he rounded the corner after the elevator. Had he woken up in another reality without noticing? That seemed somewhat improbable, given how familiar he was with the feeling, but Colin supposed it was still -technically- possible. He stood there and stared, and the realization dawned on him. The hunched frame, the fiddly fingers ghosting their way over the objects of his desk (including his keyboard… jeez! Is nothing sacred??), and a soft shock of fluffy, dark brown hair. He walked over to the intruder and crossed his arms.

            “Hello Stefan.” He deadpanned. The dumbstruck programmer stared back at him, frozen where he was caught.

            “Colin! Colin Ritman, I uh-“ Stefan sputtered.

            “The one and only, if you’ll believe it,” Colin smiled. Stefan was apparently still star struck. ‘I guess it’s not the type of thing you get over in one day,’  he thought in amusement. Stefan jumped out of the chair, hands held in front of himself defensively.

            “Colin, I am so sorry! It’s my first day! For the game, right?,” Stefan waved his hands around anxiously as Colin bobbed his head along in acknowledgment, “And um, Thakur isn’t here yet? And he told me to be here at 10, which it is-“ His head whipped around nervously in search of a clock, “I think, at least, erm, yeah and, I…” Stefan paused for a breath, “don’t actually know where anything is here beside your desk and Thakur’s office so I came in here because, well, I guess I figured you might be more forgiving than Thakur if I invaded your space and then I was standing for so long that I just had to-“ Colin held up a hand.

            “Please Stefan,” He took out a new rollup and lit it, puffing around his words, “I haven’t had enough nicotine to catch up with words that are spoken that fast.” Stefan quickly closed his mouth into a tight, embarrassed lock. “I didn’t sleep the best,” He continued, “So let’s take this at a midtempo or so.”

            “Rightt,” Stefan unlocked his lips, “Midtempo. Nice and easy.” He licked his lips self-consciously and let his gaze drift anywhere but Colin’s face. Colin took a deep breath and smiled. Today could be a good day. Kitty had set the tone that morning and he felt determined to continue it. So he reached out a hand to the other man’s shoulder, a move which caused Stefan to flinch slightly and widen his eyes.

            “You know what,” he puffed thoughtfully and nodded, “It’s ok!” He offered up his rollup with his free hand as his arm retreated. Stefan made a small shake with his head and Colin shrugged, flicking the almost spent cig into its proper place on his desk. “You didn’t mean any harm, and honestly,” Colin let out a cheerfully crooked smile, “I’m a little flattered.” Stefan looked on in awe. “Though, I gotta say,” he wagged a finger at Stefan, “The hero worship has gotta,” he hissed in air through his teeth in a zipping sound and gestured towards the windows, “make it’s way over the railing I’mma ‘fraid.” Stefan looked down, seeming both hurt by this and apologetic. Colin dipped his head down as well, meeting Stefan where he is. “It just gets old really quickly, it does. And part of me is used to it in a way, but,” His eyes flicked up at the ceiling, “I have to hold you to a higher standard. Because I can already sense that I’m gonna need you.”

            “What?” Stefan was incredulous. He gestured to himself, “You need me? Why? For what?” He sputtered in confusion, “I’m just here to try and make a game!”

            “That’s where you’re wrong Stefan,” Colin shook his head, “You’re not here to make just a game, though I’m sure it’s going to be a big part of it, no doubt. I can already tell that you’re going to be important to keeping this whole thing together,” He gestured all around the office to Stefan’s confusion.

            “Tuckersoft?” Stefan was lost.

            “No, no, no,” Colin paused, “Well, yes, in a sense, I guess. But I’m talking bigger! The very nature of our reality, the flow of time, the position of our higher selves in the timestream, the consequence and choices of nature, thought and being!” Oh dear, Colin felt himself getting into that paranoid, excited flow of cosmic thought. It was a far too meta train to ride, he could feel himself reaching bullet train level speeds in thought. He needed to slow down. Colin gulped in a big breath of air, flustered. “What I mean,” he slowed down, “Is that you’re important. That’s all, uh-” He rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously, “-all I know at this point. To be completely honest.”

            “I-“ Stefan started, and tilted himself sideways in confusion, and plopped back down into Colin’s chair in defeat. “I just don’t, erm, let me just-“ Stefan seemed continuously plagued with false starts, not that that was a new sensation to him. He took his forehead into his hands and muttered weakly, “Make game?”

            Colin was almost as amused as he was embarrassed. He had been looping for so long, it was like he existed in a universe all to his own. But here was this person with intriguing ideas about trying to capture a book like Bandersnatch, an apparently wild and psychological tale from the portion of it he had been able to ingest, into a game, where the player’s own mind would expose itself alongside the pathways. God, it was a lock clicking satisfyingly into place, moving on the music of the same wavelength, Colin knew in his core than this was the step the universe wanted him to take, needed him to take if he was going to ever move forward in a world that, time and time again, tried to take everything away from him. But instead of taking, this time it had given and given freely. He wasn’t experienced, not indoctrinated enough, though Colin was sure he could work on that. But the universe had given him a wrapped-up Stefan Butler just at his feet. Which meant he was going to have to try really hard to not screw everything up. Colin smoothed back his hair, and posed himself coolly. “Stefan Butler?” He asked.

            “Yes??” Stefan looked up at him, part confused puppy dog, and part, well, eager puppy dog.

            “I didn’t mean to alarm you.” He chose his words carefully, “All good things come in time.” Stefan nodded tentatively, and gestured for him to continue. “Will you do me the honor of creating Bandersnatch with you?”

            And at that moment, with Stefan’s eyes wide, his face curling into a bright and glorious smile as Colin smirked triumphantly in his quest to not fuck things up this time, a shadow fell over the desk.

“Excuse me? You think you’re going to do what?” Mohan’s voice boomed over them.

**[Argue]            [Submit]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! Cliffhanger, I got you! The evil writer strikes again, mwhaha. Comment below what you want Colin to do because tbh, I write this as I go so I don't know what he's going to do next anyways lol. Thank several anon kudos I got this past week for the update. Ty so much.


	10. On it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin and Stefan get a little emotional after pitching their plan to Thakur.

               Colin’s head whipped around the frame of his office space and stared Mohan Thakur dead in the face. Stefan quivered behind him in the chair. “And what exactly do you think, that I think, that I’m going to do?” His eyes flicked upward momentarily, and he blinked, trying to keep his sentence straight.

               Mohan grumbled, crossing his arms. “Were you two not just conspiring on working on Bandersnatch together?”

               Colin looked back at Stefan, who shrugged meekly. “That does seem to be an accurate description of events, though conspiring? Might be an overstatement.”

               “Erm?” A quiet voice piped up over Colin, “You did say he could help? In the meeting? I think?” Stefan was doing his best to not collapse into himself, despite the fact that he was merely stating facts and not actually expressing any troubling opinion.

               “Providing help,” Mohan narrowed his eyes at Colin, “Is different-“ His voice was gradually going up in intensity and volume, “-than robbing me of my double Christmas release!” He ended on what basically amounted to a whine, and a small pout ungracefully twisted his mouth.

               ‘Ah’ Colin thought with an internal snort, ‘This is really what he’s got himself into such a flurry about??’ “Mohan, Mohan!” Colin stepped out of the space coolly and wrapped a familial arm around Thakur. “You’re all worked up and nowhere to go, please-“ he smiled, “-let me explain.” Mohan made an annoyed get-on-with-it gesture with his hand, shrugging off Colin. “The creative juice tap is,” he tapped his head thoughtfully, “running a bit dry after all it spilled out into the last one,” Mohan rolled his eyes. “I need to refill! You remember how much research and time I had to take before I was able to make Metl Hed, don’t you?” Thakur nodded his head slowly, coming around but still obviously annoyed. “Well, I need the same for the next one. But this time, I figured that working on something inspiring like this,” Stefan flushed red as Colin looked back at him, “might get the gears turning a little quicker. Which is what you want, isn’t it?”

               Mohan Thakur was trying to not be convinced by the yarn the man was spinning around him, but in the back of his brain he knew, all roads of success for Tuckersoft led back to Colin. Still, he had been counting on the windfall of a double Christmas release. Despite investor support, and Metl Hed’s resounding success, new office buildings, and game staff didn’t come cheap. Speaking of which, “If you’re going to co-create this little game, what happens to all the new staffing I’ve hauled in? I know you, Colin,” Thakur chewed his lip, “You’re usually a one-man show, but I’ve invested here. I can’t justify the cost of having teams if you’re going to commandeer the whole thing.”

               Colin, to his credit or against it, had not thought of this. “Oh. Well?” He glanced down at Stefan, who smiled weakly and coughed.

               “I, uh,” Stefan started softly, and then tried to sit himself up straight. “We could…” He held a hand out in front of himself, concentrating. “We could create a plan for them together. Sketch ideas that art teams can make concepts from that can be coded, uhm, make playlists for the sound recorders to have for inspiration. Help the coders clean up my code and understand how it’s built so they can put more into it and make a map of the choices and the story!” His voice had been growing in confidence as he talked, and he stood up at the end, excited. Making a plan was one of Stefan’s confidence points, and he was starting to feel more grounded as his brain spun and churned out ideas. “And maybe we can brainstorm new ideas along the way, so if there isn’t something for Bandersnatch they could be working on, they can riff off of it or work on ideas of their own!” Stefan crossed his arms and smiled, feeling back in the driver’s seat.

               Colin stared at him peculiarly, taking on the same strange expression he had worn during the meeting yesterday. ‘This kid can really bring something to the table if given the chance.’ He knew he had to work with Stefan more than ever. This game was the only path forward, his senses told him. It didn’t matter what Colin ended up creating, Bandersnatch was the only timeline that mattered.

               Thakur blinked, momentarily taken back by the actually good ideas that Stefan was sprouting out, ‘Although,’ he self-congratulated, ‘I did want to hire this kid for a reason’. Now beginning to convince himself of Stefan’s proficiency through his own impeccable judgment, Thakur began to smile. “Well, well well. It seems like we might make a leader of you yet Stefan!” He leaned over and mock punched Stefan’s arm jovially, as Stefan held back a reactionary flinch and raised his lips into a stiff grin. “Those are decent ideas; I knew I chose the right man for the job. As for Colin working on Bandersnatch, well, I guess I would rather be paying him to do something productive as opposed to sifting through books and going out to the shops or twiddling his thumbs and whatever he usually does to make a game appear out of nowhere, ha-ha!” Colin raised an argumentative eyebrow but kept his lips pressed silently. “Though, since there’s going to be two of you, I’m expecting something really grand here. Nothing half-assed, and it’s got to be worth at least a game and a half to be worth the money. Either that, or you’ll have to find your inspiration real quick Colin, to make the deadline.” Thakur clapped his hands, “Now! Time is money, so you best start getting yourselves organized so I can have a game, you with me?” Both Colin and Stefan nodded quickly, and Thakur left as quick them, quick as he came, summoning Satpal as he went for yet another grocery run.

               A sign of relief passed through the two as Thakur departed. All the grand plans in the world come to a screeching halt when your boss comes interrogating, though it looked like they had magically managed to convince him.

               “Where did all that office talk come from Stefan?” Colin was impressed. He leaned against the office divider and pulled a roll-up out from behind his ear. Lighting it, he puffed, “I’m honestly pretty impressed. I never took you for the type.”

               Stefan rubbed a flattered hand behind his head, “It’s mostly my dad’s influence, I think. He’s always trying to get me to be more businesslike, less childish. I guess it must have worked?”

               Colin laughed through a cloud of smoke, “Well, whatever it was, it was very boss-man of you. I know Mohan would never fire me, but I was pretty sure I was going to get a sterner talking to than that before you stepped in.” Stefan beamed. “You know,” he continued thoughtfully, “Your ideas are genuinely good, and when you know what you’re talking about, you say it in a way that makes people want to listen.”

               Stefan’s eyes went wide. “I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before.” His eyes danced to the window, the start of a droplet barely forming. “My dad, he-“ Stefan cut himself off with a quick inhale, “-I don’t think I’ve ever measured up to what he wants me to be.” Colin offered his rollup in solidarity. Stefan waved his hand quickly, rejecting it politely. “No, thanks, I, um. Heh,” He trembled slightly, “It was just us growing up, ever since I was little. And he would take me with him to his job, to all the places he got to go, probably because childcare was expensive, or whatever. I got to see him in salesman mode and in meetings. The people and settings he was in, I saw it all from the background, in the corner. And it was really interesting because anything my dad was doing was always going to be interesting to me. And he kept bringing me, and sometimes he’d let me help work on a presentation, design a graphic or a chart, give me a little piggy bank change for it, you know? But he wouldn’t let me that far into it. Wouldn’t teach me the tools of his trade beyond a point, didn’t give me any skills I could take a step further than superficial. And so when I started to get seriously interested in design and making things for people, not always things they would understand like he made, but things that made them think and question and be curious in themselves the way I felt all the time, he would just look at me. Like he was disappointed in me not doing what he did, for doing something else, for feeling and believing and dreaming farther than he’d dreamed. For wanting more? But the thing is, he didn’t even give me the skills I could have used to do any of it! I don’t know why if he was afraid of me being better than him in some way, but I’m his kid. He should have taught me. Instead, he started almost ignoring me as I did my own thing, and we’ve grown farther and farther apart. We live in the same house and it’s like there’s a deep glass wall between us. I don’t even know how to behave around him. All of our interactions feel awkward and superficial, so even though I know he’s trying, I just can’t build that bridge back up to him again.” Stefan sniffed and panicked a little. “I’m so sorry for unloading that all! I’ll shut up and we can work, I promise!”

               Colin’s roll-up was almost gone, and he crushed the ember and pocked the remains. “You don’t have to apologize for your pain Stefan.” Their eyes met, an understanding of kinds forming. “You can use it as fuel if you like, or you can let it drag you down, or you can bury it in the backyard. But you have to do something with it. But I’m not going to judge you, or ask you to apologize for your pain.” He flinched slightly and moved over to his desk to fish around for another roll-up, craving an edge off his emotions. Lighting it, he continued, “We all have pain, sometimes years of it, compressed into a little marble we carry around with us. Heh, sometimes I think that one of the defining traits of humanity is to be in some kind of pain.” A twinge ran through him, carrying his years of clawing towards the future day by day. “But it can help to share it with another human. I know that parents aren’t easy. I decided I would be better off without mine. I was right but,” he sighed around the smoke, “the pain is still there, it still affects me alongside the million other things I have to deal with. I poured out a piece of myself to make Metl Hed. A part of my life I’ll never get back.” He hesitated, trying to figure out how to talk about the game without scaring Stefan away or confusing him even more than he had earlier, “I did things I would have never chosen to do, I chose things that were hard and painful, that ripped me inside out. It was fucking hard. I lived in a deep dark place.” He took a sharp breath in. “And to be honest, some part of me still lives there, and I have to fight it all the time. But I can tell we are going to make something great together. And there’s going to be darkness along the way, but I’m hoping that we’ll be able to let a little light in as well.”

               Stefan smiled in relief. They had more in common than he thought. “I can’t believe -the- Colin Ritman believes in me and trusts me enough to tell me something like that,” he half-joked, lightening the conversation.

               Colin sighed deeply in mock-annoyance, he had managed to not scare Stefan away after all, “Oh well thennn,” he trailed his tone off playfully, “I can’t believe -the- Stefan Butler is even talking to me right now!” The two broke out into laughter, the energy settling between them. “Now that we have our hearts and minds out in the open, let’s put them back where they belong for a bit and maybe try and get to work. For Thakur’s sake? If we must?” Stefan nodded eagerly. “Now then, since you seem to have the mind for it, how about we, mostly you, get a plan started.” He looked out the window at the dipping midafternoon sun, “I’ve got a feeling we’re going to be here a while.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appear to have gone on a slight rant there with Stefan. Don't mind my feelings! They're just everywhere... Protect these precious boys!


	11. Wake up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin and Stefan fell asleep at the office. Poor planning on their part, if you ask me.

             It turns out that desks filled with computer monitors are not ideal places for sleeping. Nor were the floors below them, or the chairs in front, even if you got extra nice ones, because hey, you’re going to be sitting in them all day, so why not? These facts are especially evident when put into practice, as Colin Ritman was about to find out.

             He snapped back to reality, senses on high alert as he woke from his slumber. “Mmmeh? Bffhhwha?” Colin groggily mumbled, the muscles in his arm twitching, causing him to jerk his hand across the desk, knocking a wired mouse off the surface. It swung back and forth, bumping into a soft figure laying on the ground, causing it to stir.

              “Ssstop poking me,” The figure moaned, turning over and bumping into Colin’s chair.

             Colin squeezed his eyes. He didn’t have the unique sensation of being in a new timeline, but the confusion felt much the same. He leaned back in his chair with a snap and rubbed his eyes. His face felt pitted, like little chunks of it had been pressed in. Maybe this was a new timeline after all. One half lidded eye focused on the keyboard that had been a stand in for a pillow. Maybe not.

             The figure below him rolled again, jostling Colin into an increased state of awareness. He fished into his pocket for supplies to make a rollup and nudged the person below him with his foot. Lighting the vice, and taking a puff, he blew a small cloud over it. The figure sniffed, wrinkled his nose and cough. Finally, he too opened his eyes.

              “Did you have to do that?” Stefan asked with a yawn, flinging his arm over himself to cover his mouth.

              “No,” Colin smiled lazily, “but your reaction makes it all the more entertaining.”

             Colin and Stefan had been working on Bandersnatch for a few weeks now, under Mohan Thakur’s watchful eyes. The king of the office had be forced to round up several creative teams to start on new games projects, just to keep everyone busy and earn their keep as Colin and Stefan worked. They hadn’t been doing it all alone, the graphics team had been creating excellent concept art for the project and was working with the coding teams to make the sprites even more visually appealing. But still, most of the work was in their heads, as well as their now shared office space. They had removed one of the divider walls, and politely kicked out a coding intern, who fled to the other side of the office. Of course, none of it pleased Thakur whatsoever, and he made it known to them frequently and loudly, that their efforts better be worth it.

              “Don’t forget- I’m expecting two games for Christmas release from you-“ He had gestured around wildly, “-whatever you lot are. And please try and at least resemble a normal office space.” He then had taken a long look up and down their cluttered workspace, “You’re scaring the coders. They’re delicate stock.”

             Their workspace was cluttered, ideas spilling from their brains and onto the floor, wallspace, and once, the ceiling, of the cubicle.  The wall, impressively, boasted a large map Stefan had scribbled in an attempt to help Colin understand the branching and connecting paths of his narrative. Colin had laughed, saying, “I already understood, you know!” He laughed, “Now we just look bonkers.”

             They had been growing closer through the frenzied work, breaking down the barriers of Stefan’s hero-worship and Colin’s shyness. It was bizarre to Colin. The closest person in the world to him, through all his timelines, had always been Kitty. She was his rock, stable and predictable through it all. But she didn’t know what he was going through, and the times he had tried to explain, well, let’s just say those went about as well as one could expect. But Stefan, Colin hadn’t come out and said anything like the whole truth to him, but still it felt like he understood, in some strange way. Maybe it was the fact that his mind could digest and output something like Bandersnatch, but Colin suspected that if he did try to broach the subject in so many words, that Stefan would at least be understanding, if he didn’t just accept it wholeheartedly outright.

             It was this burgeoning closeness, as well as their focus on the work that had led to their current predicament and the indents on Colin’s face. See, they had stayed late at the office, mapping out and doing test code of a new section Stefan had thought of, when instead of going home like everyone else, they had continued working in their usual fashion. Of course, humans can’t work on nothing forever, and eventually the two started drifting off towards dreamland.

             Colin reclined on his desk, while Stefan curled up near his feet, at a corner under the desk. “Might I interest you in a chair?” Colin inquired quietly, nuzzling his face into his keyboard. Luckily the machine was powered down, lest he accidentally write his next game in his sleep with his nose.

              “I’m good-“ Stefan’s voice became muffled as he stuffed a coat in front of his face to act as a pillow, “down here”

              “Not afraid of heights are you?” Colin looked down at him, half joking.

              “Hmm?” Stefan scrunched his face, mildly confused, but also not really caring.

              “You know, in case you dream you’re falling and accidentally knock yourself off the chair?”

              “Ohhh, no. Well. Maybe a little. But that isn’t why I don’t want to sleep in a chair.”

              “Whyyyy not then,” Colin prodded.

              “It’s nice on the ground, Col.” Colin wrinkled his nose, playing at annoyance toward the nickname. “It’s secure. Literally grounding.”

              “And why do you need grounded?” Colin giggled, slightly delirious from lack of sleep. “Have you done something that warrants such punishment?”

              “What? No, sod off.” Stefan squeezed his eyes shut. “It just helps me sleep. Nightmares. Sometimes I do it on the floor at home too. Dad doesn’t like it too much, says I’m wasting the use of a perfectly good bed.”

             This sobered Colin up somewhat, “Nightmares? Me too. Never tried sleeping on the floor before though. Does it work?”

              “For me at least,” Stefan squirmed around on the floor a little, trying to settle into a comfortable spot, “Though it does help to have a blanket.”

              “Fair enough, I guess you’ll have to just make do with my coat.”

              “It’s alright. It might not work for you. It feels literally grounding for me, like a tight hug, or something being on top of you. A friend’s cat slept on me once. That was nice. Being pressed against the floor is just comforting. And it means I’ll never not have a place to sleep, if need be.”

              “Mhm, that’s nice,” Colin was not totally listening anymore, succumbing to the call of sleep.

             Stefan yawned and turned over again, the coat pressed cozily against his face.

 

             Nothing was less cozy that waking up from sleeping at a desk though, this much was obvious. It was maybe 5:30 in the morning as the two began to be roused, Colin clumsily bumping into Stefan as he started to wake up. By 6:00, they were drowsy, but awake, and were feeling slightly hungover. Not that they had been drinking the night before, but sleeping so improperly has been known to cause similar effects. It was Saturday now, actually, not that any one would even be in the office this early anyways, save the two currently occupying it.

              “Is there?” Stefan muttered, he sat up under the desk and prompted bonked his head. “Ow!”

              “You ok?” Colin tipped himself to the side and regarded him.

             Stefan rubbed his head and scooted out from under the desk. “Yes, peachy keen, or something to that effect.”

              “What were you asking after just then?”

              “Oh, erm, tea? Is there any tea? Or-” Stefan’s stomach let out an impressive grumble, “-cereal?”

              “I’m sure there’s tea hiding somewhere in the common space. And I know Mohan’s got a secret stash too. The cereal though, maybe -we- should start a stash for that, if this is going to be a repeat occurrence.”

              “Heh, a repeat occurrence. Maybe we should just invest in a cot too, while we’re at it.” Stefan chuckled.

             “Hm, you’re loopy in the morning. Let’s find you that tea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, if the Good Omens book, which is a masterpiece, can have dialogue without Character said, or Character did next to it, then I too can tread in such treacherous waters.
> 
> More to come in this chapter I think. I'll think abt it.


End file.
